Where a year of eating jacket potatoes gets you…
arts
I remember vividly my boss from my old design days telling me I was only valuable if I kept coming up with ideas. So I did. Constantly trying to prove my worth and value by how much I contributed, and how much I gave. And don't get me wrong, they were generous. But still, there was a monetary value on my head and I knew it.
I lived in fear of not being good enough and the thing I needed to survive (money) being taken away from me. This wasn't the only relationship this pattern existed in, but for now, let's stick with this one…
Our relationship with money is a fascinating one. When we were hunter-gatherers, our survival depended on our hunting skills. Now, we come to depend on money to keep us safe. And that can mean we live in a mindset of lack or abundance. Fear or trust. Money is energy. Money gives us choices and freedom but it can also restrict it. It's how we feel safe (root chakra), feel like we belong (heart chakra), express ourselves (throat and sacral chakra), and feel of value (solar chakra).
There's a need now to prove ourselves constantly. Even our love languages are influenced by money, received gifts as a child from a doting father, and now as an adult, love to receive gifts to feel loved… Didn't have a lot of money growing up, so maybe quality time around the dinner table was your family's love language..and so on… Take a moment, is how you like to receive and give love now connected to how it was displayed in your family when you were young?
Recently a client booked in to talk to me about working 1:1, but cancelled before the call. They later told me they thought it was too expensive. For a moment, my ego piped up and replayed the old stories of feeling unworthy, and my worth being connected to money. But then I realised this wasn't about my relationship with money, it was about theirs. And that was something I could help with if they invested. Ironic really…
What is expensive to you? What is of value to you?
I value self-development and education. It is where most of my money goes. At the start of this year, I hired a business coach for the first time, it was the biggest investment I've ever made in the business. But I knew I wasn't going to get to where I wanted to be without his help. In the first session with my coach, we totalled up the amount of money (and hours) I spent educating myself to be an expert in this field. In 3 years, I've spent £20K (and the hours were off the charts too) on my education and self-development, and it was worth every penny.
Now you might be reading this and wondering, well I don't have that sort of money to change my life, do the things I want, or hire support. But for most of us, it's not about a lack of resources, it's a lack in mindset around money. It's about priorities. I rarely buy clothes, I don't go out drinking all night, and until Bali, I'd not been on holiday in a long time. I chose not to spend money on those things, so I could save for training and self-fund the life I wanted. Hell, when I was saving for my first house with my ex, our food budget was £10 each on food a week and we lived off jacket potatoes (I kid you not). We saved £36K in a year to buy the house.
So, what is your money story?
Do you attach your value to how much money you earn? Do you fear running out? Do you spend money to belong? Do you feel guilty or shame when you spend money on yourself? Do you hold yourself back from something you really know will create the life you want because you ‘can’t afford it'?
Here's my invitation to you - challenge that belief, that story.
Ask yourself, is that really true?
For so long I told myself I was bad with money and particularly saving, when clearly (as you've read) that isn't true, that was just the story I was telling myself.
Now ask yourself, what would you REALLY like to create in this life for yourself if money wasn't an issue?
If I had all the money in the world, I'd still go on courses, spend on education, and buy countless books…I just might go on a few more yoga retreats…
So, how can you find a creative way to get from where you are now to where you want to be? Look at what you want. Don't focus on the money. It is energy, it flows. Focus on what you want, focus on what you get when you create that solution. Notice how it makes you feel, the abundance of that feeling rather than the lack of money. Focus on that dream life that is yours to create. And let me know how you get on…
“Faith gives us strength and allows us to remain increasingly unshaken in the ups and downs of life. We begin to receive nourishment from within. We discover the inner source of the nectar of contentment and joy. It brings us fulfilment and the power, stamina and agility necessary to pursue our path.”
What I'm listening to this month..
On Being with Krista Tippet
Joanna Macy and Anita Barrows - "What a world you've got inside you.
50 min
Huberman Lab
Rick Rubin: How to Access Your Creativity.
45 min
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Daily Practices of Successful People & 2 ways to improve your relationship to Money.
1 hr 2 min
this month’s affirmations…
I POWER WITHIN ME BURNS THROUGH ANY FEAR
So often we don't know our own power. And this isn't a controlling, manipulative power that power is often labelled as in society. This is a quiet, unrelenting fire from within that helps us to see our unique gifts, our capacity to create and our ability to choose. We get blocked by fear, doubt, and a sense of lack. What if you let that fire burn bright? What if you let the fire of possibility and hope be brighter than the fear? What could you create? Who could you be? Remember, focus on the creation and the feeling from it, don't worry about the how, because that brings us back to lack.
Last thoughts…
DO YOU WANT TO SHOP OR DO YOU WANT TO CRY?
Replace ‘shop’, with any form of addiction, an unhealthy habit that is not expanding your quality of life. We get distracted, we look for quick fixes from outside of ourselves, and we compare instead of seeing that we already have all the answers inside. But then we come home from the shops, and cry anyway as we wonder why our life is the way it is. Clarissa Pinkola Estés says, “Tears are a river that take you somewhere”.
I went to a Nick Mulvey gig last month, which did not disappoint. If you don't know Nick Mulvey's music, have a listen. Before the last song of the set, Mountain to Move. He played an extract from a recording of Joanna Macy who said “Hearts that open together, wash together in our words that get spoken of our anguish. What a deliverance to realise that that is not a private burden but a shared experience with our brothers and sisters.”
Nick went onto sing, “Caught up in specialness” - comparison, shiny things.
“I wish you could see, That we are kings of bliss, Begging for misery”. So often we choose what we can see, rather than what we feel and in the process, we don't let ourselves open ourselves up to the possibilities of finding that peace from within. This isn't something that is done in isolation, is it done in community, in creation, in the shared experience with our brothers and sisters.