What if I told you the emotional baggage IS the point..
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Years ago, in my darkest hours, I would blame everyone else except myself for how I felt about myself, and mostly (if I'm being honest) it was my parents who took the brunt of it. Who, by the way, I love dearly and think they did a wonderful job raising me, which believe me wasn't easy. I had a good childhood but still, nothing is perfect is it? At some point we all feel resentful towards our parents, it's just the way it is. If you really think about it, don't you?
Generation after generation, we inherit baggage from the last and we can be resentful about that but maybe THE BAGGAGE IS THE POINT.
I was reading a book last summer that talks of our soul making a Sacred Contract with the divine before coming earth-side. Obviously, we have no idea of this contract once in the physical body, but we are dropped into circumstances that will forge our path and either stagnate or propel us forward on our soul's path. The author, Caroline Myss explains that “at crucial points in our lives, we are placed in situations that require of us unaccustomed skill, courage or wisdom. Such moments indicate that our Sacred Contract is in play." Think back over your life, what are the defining moments? Maybe the death of someone close to you, a volatile childhood, an addiction or a relationship that went wrong, where did that direct you? Would you be who you are now without it? Would you have the same friends, the same career, or the same outlook on life? My guess is, perhaps not.
We can't blame anyone else for where we are now, can we? This is your life and just maybe the idea that your soul chose this life for you provides some comfort. I know it did for me.
But then is the next generation doomed? No, of course not. Yes they will inherit generational trauma if it's not healed (INSERT BREATHWORK HERE) but there is hope. When I first started ‘doing the work’ to heal myself, I was in a serious relationship and kids were on the cards. But I wasn't ready, I wanted to be better first, for those future children. Sounds silly really, but I often think at the start it helped to have someone else fuelling me on the days I couldn't get out of bed.
Many things have changed since then - one being, that I've realised my happiness isn't defined by anyone else. So child or no child, I want to feel good for myself and take responsibility for all my own baggage. But I have realised through my own history with mental health and tracing back to childhood with my 1:1 clients it's sort of a package deal - have children, make mistakes. Now, this isn't a reason not to have them if that's what you want or give yourself a hard time if you already have children, it's just inevitable on some level, for everyone.
Just like the generation before us did the best they could with what they had, we will too and even the most well-adjusted human will still raise a child that will be challenged to find their own way and to take responsibility to find the skill, courage and wisdom that their soul needs.
THAT IS THE POINT.
The best we can hope for then, for everyone we love (not just the next generation) is that they have the courage to keep going and make the changes they need to feel good about themselves too. Which is what we all want isn't it?
So be a mirror. Take responsibility for your own life, prioritise yourself, go your own way, and figure out how to make yourself happy because when you do, your intention to CHOOSE YOURSELF will reflect back to the people you love. You will show them that they too can choose themselves, and make themselves happy.
“No matter what tools you use to create,
the true instrument is you.
And through you,
the universe that surrounds us
all comes into focus”
What I'm listening to this month..
Human Design by Jenna Zoe
22 min
Saturn Returns with Caggie
2.7 Self-Partnering: Catherine Gray
45 min
Self Care Club
In the Club - Anna Mathur on Toxic Positivity
27 min
this month’s affirmations…
I AM NOT A SUPERHERO
This may seem a little strange for an affirmation so stick with me here. Do you ever find yourself filling up your diary and thinking to yourself, oh future me will be absolutely fine with all these things, of course, I'll have the energy/time/resources to do that!
Only when the time comes around to actually do the thing you said you'd do you are exhausted, dreading it, thinking why the heck did I say yes to this? This has been me lately and it's so easy to avoid.
So now I'm reminding myself, I am not a superhero. It's ok to say no, block out ‘chill time’ in your diary and generally just look after yourself first!
Last thoughts…
DO YOU WANT ME TO LISTEN OR COMMENT?
Last year I made a new friend from a course I took and this person, is sunshine in human form, but better than that, she is constantly teaching me how to be a better person. There are a handful of friends who I turn to when I'm in a pickle, and she has quickly become one of them.
We went for a walk last week whilst I was in one of these said ‘pickles’, I talked over the situation that I found myself in and she walked beside me and listened. When I came to the end of my story, she simply said, do you want me to listen or comment?
And it made me realise how powerful just this sentiment is - we are often so quick to offer our opinion to the people we love but are we actually helping? Do they really need our opinions, or are we fulfilling a need of our own? If we're being honest with ourselves, sharing our opinion can often be a way to seek validation for our own decisions not necessarily help the person in need. So check first when someone comes to you for help, ask them, do you need me to listen or to comment? And help them help you, help them…