The Wild Woman Within
arts
I remember the moment when it came to my attention that the seed of me, had lived within my grandmother. That seed passed down through the line of women generation after generation, living within my grandmother before my mother. I lived in them both, absorbing their energy as they lived, loved, cried, laughed and experienced all of what it meant to be a woman. My relationship with my divine feminine was born within them.
Each family has its trauma. It only takes an observant mind to see the patterns of how autoimmune diseases, diseases of the heart, and diseases of the mind get passed down through the woven lines of our ancestry. The tapestry will continue to be woven until someone stops it.
When I began my healing journey, some 11 years ago, I knew I wanted to feel different, not just for myself but for my future daughter. But what I didn't quite anticipate was how much my healing was in the undoing of ancestral lines of trauma.
My ancestral trauma story is one of the overpowering man, and suppressed woman. It's not an uncommon story. But I didn't realise how I was repeating the same cycles, with a string of physically and emotionally abusive interactions with men spanning every decade of my life, until last year when I found the power to put a stop to the suppression and find my no.
It was only until this month, during a retreat in the Tuscan hills that I realised that the suppression had found new roots. Within me. I've talked in the past about how we all have masculine and feminine energy within, no matter our gender. Well, my masculine energy has been suppressing my feminine for a while now, and she's found her no too.
The wild woman within has been suppressed by my need to protect myself from external forces. Which has had its values, my masculine energy has kept me safe, but they've also made my divine feminine small. I realised I'd sacrificed my feminine power so I could be accepted in the competitive masculine world of business and breathwork. I've closed off my sensuality so I could avoid the male gaze. I've ignored the yearning of my womb and pussy (yes I said pussy! Let's take back the power of the giver of all human life on earth and no longer suppress her too).
So I've made a vow to myself to no longer suppress her and I invite you to check in with your feminine too. I'm spending the next year, dedicating myself to softening into her goddessly power. I'm looking at how I dress to feel more sensual, I'm taking dancing and singing classes so I can connect with the song within me, and I'm going to romanticise myself with the little things - flowers, candles, massaging my body, yin yoga, prioritising pleasure, dinner dates for one, tantra breathwork and educating myself on the power of the divine feminine.
I implore you to empower your feminine within, she's ready for you! Here are some reads if you want to explore this much-needed work yourself:
Pussy by Regena Thomashauer
Women Who Run With The Wolves - Clarissa Pinkola Estés
Vagina by Naomi Wolf
Goddesses in Everywoman by Jean Shinoda Bolen
The Radiance Sutras by Lorin Roche
Untamed by Glennon Doyle
Unwell Women by Elinor Cleghorn
The Goddess in the Shadow by Allycia Rye
Awakening Shakti by Sally Kempton
“Art is not just for oneself, not just a marker of one’s own understanding. It is also a map for those who follow after us.”
this month’s affirmations…
IT'S SAFE TO OPEN MY HEART
Opening your heart is a choice. We live in a world of fear, especially at the moment it can feel scary just to leave the house. But opening your heart, despite all the fear surrounding us, is a true act of courage. To be brave in love, even when our heart has been broken. To be brave in love, even when our mind tells us it's safer to stay as we are. To be brave in love, even when the world wants us to fight each other. Have the courage to choose love, for yourself and for all humans.
Last thoughts…
YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE
I thought for the longest time I was a victim. As a woman, I grew up in a world that thought women were less than, and we still have a long way to go to change this narrative. Don't let yourself believe that you are a victim. No, my friend. You are a survivor. You can decide to fight, to change your life for the better, to stand up for something you believe in. Your outlook, your emotions, and your life are your responsibility. So what do you want to make of it?