I am terrified. TERRIFIED.
arts
Love is the force that unites us all. And for the past 3 years, I've been afraid of it. So instead I've poured my heart into “doing the work” and my work, and it's done me well. It was only at the start of last year that I decided to specialise in the breath, and already I've gained recognition and a reputation that I could only have hoped for when I first began. I also healed my anxiety and depression, and a heavy sack of emotional sh*t. Something I'm only recently allowing myself to be proud of.
But I've come to realise, perhaps my success has a dark undertone. I've replaced romantic love, with my career.
The world of breath is a man's world. In January 2022, I asked my mentor - “What women do you know in breathwork?” His answer was “None” followed by “It could be you”. From that moment (already sharing what little I knew about the breath as much as I could) I made it my mission to be that woman and inspire other women to stand out too. As the saying goes “Rising tides lift all ships.” The more people (of all genders & minorities) sharing breathwork, the better. I don't know if I need to work twice as hard to stand out as a woman (I am aware of the enormous amount of privilege I already have) but it frequently feels like I need to. Many times, all I want to do is stay in my quiet, introverted, feminine Self. Instead of feeling the need to push and grind in a man's world. But in those moments, I remind myself of my dharma (my soul's purpose) and say to myself, “This isn't about you”. And it's not. So here we are, putting one foot in front of the other.
Anyway, back to romantic love, I haven't found it yet, and some days when I'm particularly hard on myself, I wonder if I will (single gals out there, I feel you honey)- but I do know this, I've found my soulmate purpose and that makes me feel grateful every day.
So, me and my work made a love child and we called them Aether. And it's time to tell you about them…
Let me take you back, to last year when I met Chris. Chris is a Vedic Astrologer, Psychotherapist and expert in Greek mythology based in Bali. As he read my birth chart (a map of the planets at the time and place I was born) he told me the story of Nyx, the Greek goddess of the Dark Night. He found it interesting how I now went by the name Nix instead of my birth name Nicola, meaning Victory in Greek. To be victorious is the ultimate act of the masculine, but Nix is a name of the divine feminine. Chris went on to tell me my life's work is in the darkness and the feminine energy that the goddess Nyx embodies.
The moon, the lunar cycle is the feminine. In the darkness of the night, the moon illuminates all the other stars in the night sky, when the sun (with masculine energy) comes up, the other stars cannot be seen for the sun shines bright on its own. In the darkness is where I feel most at home - in a place that allows all the other stars to shine too.
Fast forward to this year, after returning from Bali, I knew part of my life's work had to be creating a way to make conscious connected breathwork accessible to everyone. If it could heal me, I knew it could heal anyone. I sat with the intention of the studio for a long time before I could start, waiting for inspiration…hello feminine.
And then I found the word Aether. I remember reading about the Greek god Aether, the god of a clear blue sky. And it reminded me of "You are the sky, everything else is the weather" - my favourite quote by Pema Chodron. Aether is said to be the air that the gods breathed. Ether too is one of the elements in the chakra system and what's more, in Greek mythology, Aether's mother's name was Nyx. This was it! I could now begin to build a space where light and dark were celebrated and embraced together.
So here we are today, building the world's first online emotional health studio, called Aether. Why emotional health? Because we talk about physical health and mental health but not our emotions! Our emotions are at the root of everything we feel, experience and know about who we are. They are the language of the soul and connect our physical and mental health to create a whole network of health. It also heals us at a cellular level. But I'll share more about that another day.
I want to get really honest here, I am terrified. TERRIFIED. Similar to how I feel about falling in love again…I’m terrified of putting this project into the world and it feels vulnerable. But with each breath, I'm letting go of the fear and continuing to move forward with as much courage, determination and faith as I can muster (in Aether and in love…in case you were wondering..). Aether will be a place to share the power of the breath, the healing energy work of the chakra system, and educate you on the value of emotional health. They'll also be many other practices that help us lean into the feminine because it's great to have as many tools in our tool kit when we are doing the work. Aether will celebrate other people's voices and help other experts in the field of healing shine bright. From sound healers to energetic guides, to movement and mindfulness teachers. Everybody's voice will matter in Aether.
What I’ve realised through the process of creating this space is that it is easy to have ideas and easy to build them, but the hardest part is putting them out into the world for judgement. It’s safe here, in my quiet zone of dreaming. Nobody can harm me here. And I see this in so many people, not just me. Whether it's in love, putting yourself out there, or something you've been dreaming about. We tend to live in the safe zone of comfort and certainty.
So here’s what I'm working on every day. You have to keep going and put yourself out there, you might fail, you might not, but do it anyway. Over and over. In the uncertainty of what’s next - live the lessons - that's where we discover what we are made of, it also makes you, you.
So until the 22nd of September (Autumn Equinox, in equal light and darkness) when Aether is birthed into the world. I'm going to keep putting my big girl pants on, shoulders back, standing tall and walking forwards. I hope whatever corner of the world you are dreaming about, you go for it. Shape it, make it and put yourself out there. I'll be cheering you on all the way and Aether will be here to support you if you need. x
“You’re not doing this for yourself.
You’re doing this for the world.”
What I'm listening to this month..
My monthly playlist for August << Listen here
Follow along as the playlist grows each day as I get inspired by the music I hear in the cafe when I'm having my morning coffee, or on a film I've been watching or a gem hidden in a Spotify radio.
I've been making a monthly playlist since 2017, they are now like time capsules that take me back to certain moments in my life, I'd recommend making your own! Listen to last month's playlist here
this month’s affirmations…
I CAN DO AND ACCOMPLISH ANYTHING I SET MY HEART ON
Get out of your own head, stop doubting yourself. You are made of magic and the world deserves to know about it.
Keep spreading your light, my dear.
Last thoughts…
IS IT A BRUISE OR A SCAR?
It was pouring with rain, I'd just taught a double hot yoga class and I was on my bike riding home. Then my chain came off as I changed gears going uphill and I fell off my bike. And ended up in a heap on the road, with traffic backing up behind me.
Then a fire engine pulled over to mop me up, give me bandages and to be honest, just make me feel better. It felt a lot of fuss, for a few cuts. But then the bruises came, I was black and blue! "Oh, I really had hurt myself" I thought.
The human body is miraculous, it gets cut and it heals. Over and over. Most trauma we don't get a bruise or a cut to show us where the damage is, but when I breathe you, I see it. I see the family trauma, the broken heart, the angry child. Your breath is a roadmap of your emotional scars. We're not supposed to keep the wound open, we're supposed to heal. To let the scars heal and the bruises fade. Don't be frightened of healing, be afraid of keeping the wound open and letting it infect your life. If you want to work with me 1:1, I have a couple of spots left this month.